ll make them vanish or fall.

Seek warmth and find fire.
I am silent as I endure.
I saved some drops of sunlight,
acid for the obscure.

I fear the outward motion,
not in itself, but in its result.
I exist within myself alone,
in closer communion with insult.

I want to destroy them all.

Need is not always want,
nor is it the other way around.
Depth lies where it is sought,
not in the height where it is found.

I want to destroy them all.


2. Nerve Bending

["Hope in reality is the worst of all evils, because it prolongs the torments of man." - F. Nietzsche]

A slow aching, bled dry of pain.
The pace of life sedates the sane.

Lure me into the fury of absence,
let my train of thoughts collide.
In a trance of confidence,
stirring up, I breathe cyanide.

Drawn in my horns, a stabwound slow-dance.
Holding on to a dog's fair chance.
A slow aching, bled dry of pain.
The pace of life sedates the sane.

I myself, I am a cold element,
but I contain a living flame.

Fading in, fading out,
last visit for a long time.
While a legend lingers,
we pine away, into clime.

The wish is father to the thought,
the thought is father to the truth.
Ignite the imagination and take it far away.

I grieve over things that end,
nothing in line to succeed them.
They become a part
of the horrors I hold in my heart.

Neatly pealed all layers off,
searching a stain to expose,
lay bare imperfection,
grow aversion, then dispose.

Now your self is bare,
in an instant flare,
if you have tears,
cry elsewhere.


3. Dualism

["Opposition is true friendship." - W. Blake]

Involuntarily silent I fade into you.
My voice goes unheard, near you I am mute.
I know there's a way to make it through this,
then my silence is worth, silence worth a wish.

I wanted to have a look on the inside,
to see if it's safe, if only for a while.

Any time at day this feeling might come,
any time at night it might be gone again.

Staring off into space, speaking words in random.
I sing, I cry, I spy, I lie, I grow, I shrink, I soar, I sink.
Facedown in the spiral of shame,
weak and melting, tension's building all around.
A deceiving secrecy encircles and frightens me.

An eye for an eye never made so blind.
A stake for a spine and find the fear where love is lust.

I reach out and seize to bury it back into me.

Streaming through the colour of you.
A cripple love is taking life.
We fought in vain to shelter our souls,
but failed to jump over our own shadow.


4. Hypno Lap Dancer

["They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." - E. A. Poe]

Daylight hallucination,
flesh begins to feel the chain.
Manic fuge be my dream tonight,
linger to remain.

The last 'no' to the last request
on the trail I traveled on my knees.
Words that wake the worry
lead to bad thoughts and worse ideas.

Hypno lap dancer spirals out of control,
grinds to a halt, ends up losing it all.
Hypno lap dancer sways at a loose end,
fooled into a sudden, certain fall.

Given the marching order, black borders around your soul.
Given the marching order, spiral out of control.

It is the frailty of an insect
that struggles in a web and sheds its armour.
It rushes back to its cocoon, back into the womb.
Headfirst into the womb.

Addiction designs destination,
no subtle changes, this is damnation.
Anything required is another thing to loose.
I strive, but it bears no interest for life.


5. King Atlas

["We adore chaos because we like to restore order." - M.C. Escher]

I defy the height of the world
in spite of the weight of my cross.
Inspire myself, a fire-and-brimstone sermon.
At a loss under Atlas' burden.

Holding the globe like a damaged icon,
my bones can't bear the load piling on.
Comes a cropper. Ill at ease ever after.

Mercy in chains.
The plot is thickening, things changed in a way.
The chances are sickening, evolution in a day.

Does it matter how it ends when cards were dealt by hostile hands?
Endurance is the fancy that nothing is everlasting.

The open sky unsettled by thunder.
Killed in a crash like a bolt from the blue.
The burden, concealed and playful, grows anew.

Enemy mine... hate is the only enemy.
Axis powers recede.
The still point of the turning world stands still indeed.
Things changed in a way, evolution in a day.

We evolve away.


6. I Decline

["To feel our motion forward is impossible. Motion implies terminus; and how can terminus be felt before we have arrived?" - William James, Essays in radical empiricism.]

The caustic stain of guilt on once sterile hands.
I have gone numb in my conspiracy of one.
I am easily pleased, just a little time before I decline.

I need...
a purpose for these arms, a care to breed new life,
a purpose for these hands, a reason I need...
a reason to fall and a reason to dive.
It's the wait I fear the most.

Set free mortal coil, come purest of pain.
A serious reality, elusive and free.

I breathe forgiveness in.

The other moment I found me in a chamber filled with irony.
Screaming, falling into grace for a moment only.


7. A Solitary Walk

["Let us permit Nature to have her way; she understands her business better than we do." - M. de Montaigne]

They're standing there for ages,
as if they are a solemn hedge,
the trees like silent watchers,
silent in their pledge.

They mourn the loss of summer,
aware of the coming rain,
they seem to know what is at hand,
autumn's here again.

Their wilderness seems loveless,
if only they could wail,
if only they could somehow
ease the burden of their tale.

One by one, they let go their leaves,
it seems it's so much more...
as if they bend their roots in prayer
on the forest's floor.

A leaf falls on my shoulder,
I search the treetops for a trace.
I see the sweeping branches,
feel the wind over my face.

Finally the sky cracks open,
rain yearns to be free.
A sigh slips from the rustling trees,
I know they understand me.


8. Descenders

["He who desires but acts not, breeds pestilence." - W. Blake, Proverbs of Hell.]

Have a heart.

In love and in fear
we blindly surrender.
Under divine demands,
above everyday events.

A warm feeling
trespassing in my soul,
remote like an illusion
it plays a vivid role.
Under divine demands,
above everyday events.

One of the things I don't dare to say,
I leave you to the silence of my language.

We dance to the sound of breaking hearts, it keeps on blasting.
Closely connected, cross my heart, the sound is lasting.

Questions I war with
are never replied.
Again I will trespass,
bare feet in broken glass.

The questions are never replied.


9. Absynthe Twin Stars

["Nothing is more certain than that worlds on worlds, and spheres in spheres, stretch behind and beyond the actually seen." - E. Carpenter, The Drama of Love and Death.]

Speak my pain, c'mon scoundrel.

Fears under the fearless surface,
Eyes stare everywhere.
A lazy man's load of envy
stands still somewhere.

I saw redemption in you
and rushed to kiss its ghost.
One kiss of cloven tongue,
before the poison overdosed.

Make it painless, inject me a remedy.

Absynthe twin stars,
unforgiving switchblade screen.
Looking like revenge against murder,
merely reflecting what they've seen.

I know the lines and shadows in your face.
Soul-searching view won't settle.

Cast the twilight of my days
in the most depraved of ways.
Bordered to what is humane
your eyes promise me pain.

Make it painless, inject me a remedy,
but there wasn't place for all of it, leaking out all over me.

Vital pyres, fatal fires, insatiable animal.
Intimidating me
as you set out your hounds,
assaulting my lucidity.
Look askance.


10. Carrion Karma

["What man has joined, nature is unable to put asunder." - Brave New World - A. Huxley]

I stare down upon my hands as I float through intimate moments.
I swear on a stack of Bibles to strain every nerve to prevent...

Insane acts of hysteria
from teasing my senses,
yet not even hope
can disturb my offences.

Motives changed and left me deranged
to the gracing works of the soothing earth.
Exhausted by lust, with fingers crossed
I take the shine off the swoon of birth.

Sentiments are running deep,
miles to go before I sleep.
My eyes water in the speedy air,
their vision is bleak and sore.
Though these eyes said otherwise
the feeling's back for more.

I join the ranks of silent witnesses.

Hearts maintain a stony silence.
Quiet, nearly gone.
I seem to catch my breath
once the vultures come.

Now enter the scavengers.


11. The Tired Youth

["To save a man's life against his will is the same as killing him." - Horace]

Youth will seep into an unjust sleep, eating ashes of its love.
Seduced yet convinced to rise in the liberty of closed eyes.

See the dust in the wounds of the ones who have quit their bodies in frenzy.
Answering the suffering with laughter.
They're not so few and they are moving.
They'll get you while they can, going to make you scream,
and beg for more.

Youth will seep into an unjust sleep, eating ashes of its love.
Seduced yet convinced to rise in the liberty of closed eyes.
Wicked hearts grow tame.
I hear voices, but they ain't calling my name.
I was not prepared and now it's time to let the others shine.

Breath crushed out of the patron above, with hollow eyes,
whistling with each intake.
An assassin's eyes now idle from caring.
My every word will convert the saints to swearing.

Careless for the consequences, hunting heartaches.
What makes you valuable is how you treat my mistakes.


12. Volcano Below Zero

["What is a cynic? - A person who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing." - O. Wilde - Lady Windermere's Fan]

Passing by, consuming time,
meanwhile always the same smile.
Estranged.
I wait till I am alone, yet so afraid to be on my own.
Dog me unto death or stab me where I stand.
I'd tear out my tongue, bleed before I weep.

Inferno below zero, ordeal by fire.
I seek a door in each and every wall.
Volcano below zero, ordeal by ice.
Blistering by degrees, but there's no easy exit.
Fool!

Recollection blurs on purpose, it comes to grief.
An exhibition of belief, where confidence goes when it dies.

Trouble created by instinct comes around and strays,
determined to reduce my days.

Inferno below zero, ordeal by fire.
I seek a door in each and every wall.
Volcano below zero, ordeal by ice.
No easy release, no release at all.

Never more delightful than when missed,
but if and when received,
satisfaction's followed by revolt
as if it never was achieved.

Inferno below zero, ordeal by fire.
Volcano below zero, ordeal by ice.


13. Nightmare's Rest